he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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We left an ass print on the piano.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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