well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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