Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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