Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
