is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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