What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
