Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
