So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize