i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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