so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
