OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
