Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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