judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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