I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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