what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
