I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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