Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
