i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
