I intend to get homeless drunk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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