idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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