apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
