it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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