can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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