I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
