Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
