so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
