A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
