so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
