Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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