we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
