clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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