Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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