he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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