garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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