yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
is it fun? or sober?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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