Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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