I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
