There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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