I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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