I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
