I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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