There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
