He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
