what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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