that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
