i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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