i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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