Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You were trust falling into bushes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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