Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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