omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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