3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
