Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
