what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
