Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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