Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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