i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
