You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
