Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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