One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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