Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
