I wish my penis had an off switch
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize