Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
