Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
please don't ironically join a cult
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