don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we made out on top of his cat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
